Rantings of a Fluffy Monster

Tasty monkey. 

Mmm, yes, even this tasty burger. 

I'm hungry. I want to eat until I hallucinate. 

Check out this from North Queensland - the rare and flightless, but none the less evil looking Cassowary. These birds are known to manifest large numbers of spiders eggs in their mouth and then using their syringe like beak inject them in to smaller birds eyes. They have also been seen bungee-jumping over a rusty Stanley knife convention on a long piece of dampened Andrex in an attempt to imitate flight. They are fully literate and enjoy Alan Titchmarsh novels being read to them by Alan Titchmarsh and can often be observed bathing in vats of boiling ear wax donated by local Aborigines, known to them as Billius Oddus!
 

A bird of worthy note is the hypno-chick. It lures its prey with the use of its hypnotic eyes and its confusingly sickly-sweet-but pug-fucking-ugly appearance. Upon approaching this treacle monster, it feasts upon the victims brainwaves and proceeds to hum songs by the Carpenters until its prey’s head implodes. Rare reports have found the hypno-chick masquerading as a whore’s ginger mirkin, where it can contentedly wait like a spider in a web for her unwitting punters. This proves to be quite a successful symbient relationship, as Carpenter’s music independently playing from one’s hairy gash can prove to be quite a novelty.