Rantings of a Fluffy Monster

Check out this from North Queensland - the rare and flightless, but none the less evil looking Cassowary. These birds are known to manifest large numbers of spiders eggs in their mouth and then using their syringe like beak inject them in to smaller birds eyes. They have also been seen bungee-jumping over a rusty Stanley knife convention on a long piece of dampened Andrex in an attempt to imitate flight. They are fully literate and enjoy Alan Titchmarsh novels being read to them by Alan Titchmarsh and can often be observed bathing in vats of boiling ear wax donated by local Aborigines, known to them as Billius Oddus!